Going home had enlightened me about a lot of things primary of which is that I have to let go - let go of people, of ideals, of fantasies and of the past.

To summarize, going home is about closure.

I'd been judged. I'd been asked to do things I don't like and pressured to make the decisions I don't agree with.

But those days are over.

I have decided to move ahead to the future. I've decided to never look back.

Last night, I have a long conversation with my brother. We talked about a lot of things and finally, I was able to say things I'd been keeping for so long. Finally, there was someone to share with the sorrows about our little imperfect family.

The truth is, I don't know if telling my brother the things I told him was a good thing but somehow, at the end of the day, it felt right. So it was a closure for a nasty internal conflict for me. I've decided to let it go.

And then I closed that chapter - the one that I'd keep to myself, the fantasy that will never come true because as already said -it's a fantasy. It was a childhood dream which failure of coming true hurts a lot. I have to accept defeat and face it like an adult. And I am an adult now. No more make believes.

Lastly, I will no longer be pressured to do things I don't like. It's a thing of the past. I will make my decision at my own time, at my own pace. If people hate me for it, so be it.