Urgh!
4 years ago
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The Dog Who Loved Me
(Photo not mine. No copyright infringement intended.)Raj was a reject. Or so was the description of a friend whose dog just gave birth to five bouncing little puppies. They can't raise all five and he asked me if I wanted to have one. I accepted and two weeks after our conversation, I went to their house to pick MY puppy. Her name wasn't Raj back then. She was merely called "itoy."
When I saw "itoy," I fell in love. At that time, I thought, it was the same feeling a father would feel for his daughter. Her furs were light brown, soft and smooth which I didn't expect. She has long thick lashes and a permanent smile even if she was crying hard (looking for her mom?). She was a mixed race – part Golden Retriever, part Aspin.
When my friend handed her to me, she licked my fingers. Her gentle tongue tickled me, so I raise her high up in the air and looked at her eyes - they were mesmerizing and they were kind - something I wanted in a pet.
We have an instant connection. As I hailed a pedicab to bring her to my small apartment, I thought of her name. I played with dozens of name but none seem to be more fitting than Raj, a shortcut for Raja which meant royalty.
Growing up, I trained her to be intelligent and independent. She was curious. The curiosity often leads to small accidents but her being smart also saved her in a lot of instances. There were days that she come home crying, complaining about something that hurts her belly or the limp on her foot but after a few rubs on the head, she would be quiet and jump around like nothing happened.
I was a freshman when I took her in. When she was about 4 months old, she began to be my alarm clock. Every morning, she would lick my feet and if that wouldn't budge me, she would kiss me in the face. Her breath was always warm and the kiss would turn to licking and as soon as her saliva starts dripping, I would be force to rise. I would scold her and she would just look at me and lie down - smirking.
She was my security guard. She always does a perimeter check in my small cramp up room before going to sleep. When I transferred apartment, although my room is on the second floor with a very steep staircase, she would force her way up the stair contorting every part of her body just to sleep beside me. She would still do the perimeter check and it endeared her to me even more. Most days, we would sleep together until the sunlight gets too hot that we both pant in heat.
Time flew so fast and the once small, light brown puppy my friend called a reject became a large, loyal dog, the best I can ever ask.
In the summer of 2005, I have to leave the city in order to do my on-the-job training. With the help of a teacher, I managed to earn a spot working in a television station. Leaving was hard. Raj will be mostly alone in the apartment. My landlord's mother was too old and the best thing she can do is feed Raj. That was good enough for me. The two-month training period will be quick. I will be back before we both knew it.
Being away was terrible. I can't stop help thinking about the dog I left behind. When summer was finally over, I got back home as quickly as I could. The moment I reached the apartment, I looked for Raj - and I couldn't find her anywhere.
I sat near the window every morning for three months waiting for my dog to comeback. According to my landlord's mother, Raj had been crying and behaving badly when I left that she was forced to tie him down and put her outside the house's gate. She said that she was surprised one morning that the dog was no longer there.
She told me the whole narrative like she didn't care. I looked at her with disgust and I can’t help but feel that she did something worse. She never really liked Raj. For three months, I searched for my dog. I asked around the neighborhood and every day as I go to school, I stop for several minutes, sometimes, walking back and forth on that small unlit street from the house to the main street hoping she will be there.
But she never returned.
Every time I visit Raj in my memory, I feel a certain pang of guilt. We had a very good three years together. Had I been a more responsible owner, she would still be with me, perhaps even today. I wonder about her pain, about her sufferings. I wonder if she ever thought that I abandoned her.
I left that apartment several months after my hope of ever finding Raj sank in. To this day, every time I pass by that neighborhood, I look longingly at the streets hoping that Raj would come to meet me. There are days that I can’t help imagining how great it would be to be greeted by her . She would put her head on my hand and I would pat it ever so gently and we would walk together side by side and once we’re both tired, we will sit on the side of the road and watch the sun as it set.
(Note: I haven't raised or owned another dog after Raj. Maybe sometime in the future, I will. For now, she still lingers in my memory and it's a very good place for her to be.)
I don't dream of you.
I don't dream of you.
No, I don't see you in my sleep.
My waking moments are much more precious.
When my eyes are open, I can see you - alive, breathing, laughing.
Dreaming is for people who wanted to escape reality.
I don't want to escape it.
I want to live it.
Because you're exactly where I wanted you to be.
Passion
Okay, let's talk about passion. Here's a short clip we created and by we, I mean FEST (that club we created for amateur filmmakers.)
Our company will be joining this contest participated by 50 (more or less) other companies in the Voice and Move category. That's sing and dance in simpler terms. We were tapped to help out and this is what we came up with.
We used an SLR camera with video capability so yeah, I personally have a lot of things to learn. It's slow process but hopefully soon, I'd learn enough tricks to make a decent short film. Soon being, before the end of the year.
This is Adrian by the way. And hopefully, he'd bring the bacon home this Sunday. :P
10 Things I Want To Do Before I Die
A lot of travel enthusiasts predicted that this year (even the years that follow) people would focus their travel on what they have on their bucket list.
For those living under the rock, a bucket list is a list of goals, dreams and life experiences that one aim to achieve or experience before the light switch off.
I have thousands of things in my bucket list, half of them, almost impossible to accomplish in this lifetime and some of them, I already accomplished.
So aside from winning a buffalo race, to riding a motorbike at an accelerated speed of 90kph, to doing something totally out of character, these are my top ten travel list that I wish to accomplish before I die.
10. Pictorial in Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia
What's heaven like? The child in us has once or twice dreamt about floating amongst the clouds. Salar de Uyuni would give you that chance to not only fly but walk on the clouds. Considered the world's largest mirror, it's the closest thing we can get to experience heaven here on earth (putting the technicalities aside that is).
9. Sunset watching in Santorini, Greece
I first heard of Greece when I was nine. I remembered Zeus, the Acropolis, Parthenon and Hercules. Ever since then, I dreamt about walking with the gods but as I grow older and realize that they were just myths, all that is left is the yearning to see the beauty that inspired a lot of the stories that I still love at present.
Santorini is perhaps my hometown in a past life. White-washed wall adorned by blue paints made soft by the pale yellow setting sun ---now, that's a sight to behold!
8. Win the Cheese-Rolling Contest, England
I like this because first, it's crazy and second, it looks fun. Running after an eight-pound cheese down a steep hill may in fact cause injuries like broken bones or your spine even. But to get that cheese, and a chance to beat some Brits in the process - it's gonna be awesome!
I like this because first, it's crazy and second, it looks fun. Running after an eight-pound cheese down a steep hill may in fact cause injuries like broken bones or your spine even. But to get that cheese, and a chance to beat some Brits in the process - it's gonna be awesome!
7. Camp for a night in Tubbataha, Philippines
For those who haven't heard of Tubbataha, it is a protective sanctuary and a haven for animals, fish and anything else that lives on the sea guarded by armed rangers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's the Philippine's version of Galapagos Island.
My father's friend used to be one of the rangers that guard the place and he said that to see giant sea turtles lay eggs and watch the hatchlings squirm their way back to the sea is an experience of a lifetime. The fact that it's a forbidden sanctuary makes it more enticing.
6. Read a book under a sakura tree, Japan
Other's call it the cherry blossom but I prefer sakura. It sounds nicer. To lay down in a park eating a sandwich and talking to a real geisha is indeed a real treat. I really have to relearn my Japanese.
5. Join a food fight, Spain
Perhaps one of the biggest food fights in the world, the Tomatina Festival would give anyone a chance to waste their food and not feel guilty about it. Celebrated in my second favorite month, August, to get covered and swim on tomato sauce is already spine-tingling. Yay!
4. Harvest Rice, Banaue Rice Terrace, Philippines
Okay, forgive me for this yearning. My grandparents were rice farmers. I was raised on a farm. I love the smell of a new mown-hay (and yes, I like the song, too) especially in the morning with a cup of coffee in one hand and a rice cake in another.
Harvesting rice in one of the best rice terraces in the world - not everyone will ever experience that. It would require dedication and time and perhaps, when I grow old, time is all I will have.
3. Relive the Inca's way, Machu Picchu, Peru
'Nuff said.
2. Teach children while backpacking in Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand
The Garden of Buddhas in Laos, the Angkor Wat of Cambodia, the Halong Bay of Vietnam, and the beaches of Thailand - call me crazy but who wouldn't want that?
But aside from seeing the places, poverty is horrible in these places. To teach kids something as simple as ABC would definitely be life-changing.
1. Remarry at 60.
If I'm still alive when I'm sixty, I'd like to remarry that one person who inspires me to become a better human being.
This might be terrible for some of you to read but I came from a family that divorce or separation is never ever talked about and will never ever be allowed. So call me a hopeless romantic or any other names you can think of but I think when all is said and done, our journey will never ever be complete if we never learn to love.
(Sorry about the redundancies of never. Hahaha)
Note: The photos used in this post are not mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Yeru: The Aspiring FilmMaker
The last few weeks had been crazy - satisfyingly, sarcastically, unbelievably crazy. In the span of four weeks, I've seen firsthand the pains and joys of creating short films. I also learned a lot of new valuable lessons. I'd like to enumerate them as:
1. The hobby of people in power is to power trip. There's no helping it.
Yep, there has been a lot of instances that I have to deal with this. They don't actually say it out loud. They don't give warnings as well. They just do it.
A lot of people in position has the tendency to think that there time is more important that anyone else. Case in point, someone came to shoot an hour late and then while shooting, wanted all the attention to herself halting the scenes because she have to do something else. It was annoying and it was disrespectful. Just because people are trying to be nice and patient doesn't mean it gives anyone the right to trample others.
I don't know what it is with power but some immature, egocentric bosses really do need a good spanking from time to time. I'm just glad that my boss is different.
2. The longer the journey, the fewer the company.
Film making is not only about passion - it's also about patience, dedication and it requires a lot of self motivation to see things through.
I don't know what it is with power but some immature, egocentric bosses really do need a good spanking from time to time. I'm just glad that my boss is different.
2. The longer the journey, the fewer the company.
Film making is not only about passion - it's also about patience, dedication and it requires a lot of self motivation to see things through.
When we started the shooting, there were a lot of us. As days progress, the number of people who went on to check on what's happening trickled like rain on a hot summer day - that means it's getting close to nada.
3. It's always a work in progress.
Creators of films would always think that there's something missing. While the film is being shown, you'd see small details that you'd like to fix and it's not going to end just because the shoot and post prod has ended. There's always going to be something missing and you're going to obsess over it - over and over and over.
But in the end, the joy of seeing the films appreciated is worth all the pains. And the best thing about it, is that the film is there to stay for you to see over and over again - and obsessed on the things you would have done differently.
3. It's always a work in progress.
Creators of films would always think that there's something missing. While the film is being shown, you'd see small details that you'd like to fix and it's not going to end just because the shoot and post prod has ended. There's always going to be something missing and you're going to obsess over it - over and over and over.
But in the end, the joy of seeing the films appreciated is worth all the pains. And the best thing about it, is that the film is there to stay for you to see over and over again - and obsessed on the things you would have done differently.
Of Cancer, Faith and Love (A Dedication to Ble)
I've written 'Goodbye, Sam' months ago for the literary folio of my university. It is a story of one brother who struggled hard to keep a promise to a younger sibling. What makes me write about it today is because that story also touches on the cruelty of cancer and how it separates people, loving people, from each other.
I believe that all love stories have an ending. I've written it before that "happily ever after" can only be found in books. Soul mates or whatever they call two people who love each other too much these days can really never stay together until the end, physically that is though. I believe that somewhere along the way as two people make memories, something, someone or a divine intervention (if you can call it that) would come in the way stopping what would have been a happy ever after.
Yes. It may sound cruel but it's the reality of things.
Take my friends, Payang and Blesie's case.
They met in college. They fell in love. They fought hard - hunger, persecutions by friends and family and thousand more other trials. Those problems they face like bubbles on a dry summer day - meaning, the problems never really last. They end up marrying each other. They have a child, a beautiful girl they nicknamed "Cloney." Their story is a beautiful love story - one that, for me, deserves a happy ending.
But life happens. Something came in the way stopping them. Ble passed away a week or so ago. He fought cancer. Knowing Ble for some time, I know that he fought well. I know he struggled to keep his life, battled with whatever strength he has left, all for a lovely wife who adores him more than anyone and for a child he wanted so badly to see grow.
But he didn't make it. I don't know what it was like to be beside him as his life drains away from him. I know in his bed, as he tried to smile to comfort a worried wife, he has been asking the Big Guy in heaven "Why him?" And I know more than the pain he bears, he was more worried for the family he would leave behind - a young wife who would lose a husband and a daughter who wouldn't have a father. And Ble knows that they didn't deserve that.
What follows is an excerpt of Payang's letter to the malevolent Mr. Cancer. It is heart-wrenching but I like it best when she said: "Now my loving husband is dead...You might have been the reason of his early death but, you failed to change our faith. His Faith in God will lead him to Everlasting Life. In the end, Blesie is still the winner. The grandeur of everlasting life still belongs to him."
People told Payang to hang in there or that there is a reason for everything. I'd like to tell her the same thing but I doubt that things will get better. All I know is that Payang's life will be like hell and the only thing that would keep her moving forward is her daughter.
I'm hoping that sometime in the future, Payang will be happy again -truly happy. But I doubt that too. For me, you can only love one person your whole lifetime. You can settle for the second best but "the one who got away" will always have the best part of you.
It would be a cliché but "hang in there Yang."
Despite my realistic and masochistic self, I still believe that there is in fact a reason for everything.
And I still believe you can be happy.
Maybe not as happy when Ble was around, but happy.
It will help you get by as you wait for the moment where you two will be reunited.
Some will call it stupidity or delusion, but just like you, I’d like to call it FAITH.
Desperate for an SLR Camera
It felt kinda desperate but can anyone blame me if I wanted the new Nikon D5100?
It's a photo contest. There was a criteria for judging but after a series of changes on the qualifications, I think the organizers have decided that they will have their own judges to say who wins. Okay for me!
Yep, I submitted a photo I've taken about three or four years ago. It's an eerie picture of trees. I used a point and shoot camera and while I was grabbing on anything to save my dear life while the motorcycle was running about 80kph, I have my shot. The best for me and the hardest too, personally.
It's a photo contest. There was a criteria for judging but after a series of changes on the qualifications, I think the organizers have decided that they will have their own judges to say who wins. Okay for me!
Yep, I submitted a photo I've taken about three or four years ago. It's an eerie picture of trees. I used a point and shoot camera and while I was grabbing on anything to save my dear life while the motorcycle was running about 80kph, I have my shot. The best for me and the hardest too, personally.
I'm crossing my fingers (just like the over thousand other hopefuls). If I win, I'll finally have a camera that would push me to take better pictures. If not, then I may need to work harder to earn about 50k to finally buy one on my own.
Again, it's desperate. But can you blame me?
